The official line-up of the 63rd Cannes Film Festival will be announced in France tomorrow afternoon, or at the crack of dawn in the States. I haven't really been keeping up on who's got films in the can right now, but according to The Guardian, the latest from both Mike Leigh (Another Year) and Alejandro González Iñárritu (Biutiful) have been confirmed to play at the festival, though it wasn't specified as to which section they'll be screening in. Leigh and González Iñárritu have both won Best Director prizes for Naked and Babel respectively; Leigh also won the Palme d'Or in 1996 for Secrets & Lies... so it sounds likely that both of their films will end up in competition. The good news about the new González Iñárritu film is that he's finally dumped screenwriter Guillermo Arriaga, who is more than likely the one to blame for the tedious interconnected narrative devices of Amores perros, 21 Grams and Babel. Other directors with films "ready to go" or close to include Abbas Kiarostami, Terrence Malick, Stephen Frears, Jean-Luc Godard, Hong Sang-soo, Julian Schnabel, François Ozon (who really seems to be churning them out lately), Woody Allen (who has always been churning 'em out), Cristi Puiu, Oliver Stone (meh) and of course Béla Tarr (who claims The Turin Horse will be his final film). As you may have read, Tim Burton will be the jury president this year, which is scary for many reasons, so we'll just hope the rest of the jury is lined with insolent artistes. We'll see what will replace genital mutilation, POV ejaculation, hip hop dancing teens and Nazi killing as the emerging trends of this year's gala. The 63rd annual festival will be underway on 12 May with Ridley Scott's Robin Hood kicking things off.
Showing posts with label Tim Burton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tim Burton. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Cannes Demain
The official line-up of the 63rd Cannes Film Festival will be announced in France tomorrow afternoon, or at the crack of dawn in the States. I haven't really been keeping up on who's got films in the can right now, but according to The Guardian, the latest from both Mike Leigh (Another Year) and Alejandro González Iñárritu (Biutiful) have been confirmed to play at the festival, though it wasn't specified as to which section they'll be screening in. Leigh and González Iñárritu have both won Best Director prizes for Naked and Babel respectively; Leigh also won the Palme d'Or in 1996 for Secrets & Lies... so it sounds likely that both of their films will end up in competition. The good news about the new González Iñárritu film is that he's finally dumped screenwriter Guillermo Arriaga, who is more than likely the one to blame for the tedious interconnected narrative devices of Amores perros, 21 Grams and Babel. Other directors with films "ready to go" or close to include Abbas Kiarostami, Terrence Malick, Stephen Frears, Jean-Luc Godard, Hong Sang-soo, Julian Schnabel, François Ozon (who really seems to be churning them out lately), Woody Allen (who has always been churning 'em out), Cristi Puiu, Oliver Stone (meh) and of course Béla Tarr (who claims The Turin Horse will be his final film). As you may have read, Tim Burton will be the jury president this year, which is scary for many reasons, so we'll just hope the rest of the jury is lined with insolent artistes. We'll see what will replace genital mutilation, POV ejaculation, hip hop dancing teens and Nazi killing as the emerging trends of this year's gala. The 63rd annual festival will be underway on 12 May with Ridley Scott's Robin Hood kicking things off.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The Decade List: (Some of) The Worst Films (2005)
Every year, the list seems to be getting longer. The sentimental issue with 2005 was that a list of the Worst Films of 2005 was my very third blog post ever on here, so unlike the previous years, I've written quite a few venomous words about the films below (I was pretty hostile when I started writing this blog). So for both your and my pleasure, I've selected some really mean and/or smart-ass "pull quotes" from what I had to say about these, the worst films I saw from 2005.
On The 40-Year-Old Virgin: "The 40-Year-Old Virgin is essentially a bunch of laughless sketch appendages (the worst involving foul-mouthed Eastern Indian coworkers), branching from a thin backbone of a lifeless romance." On Amnesia: The James Brighton Enigma: "Amnesia ends up being an idea film with nothing to say and Langlois a lousy psychological researcher who’s happy enough to just to ask the questions instead of looking for the answers." On Dirty Love: "That this film presumes we’re going to care about a woman who flops around a supermarket looking for tampons to stop her Shining-size bloodbath of a menstrual flow is not only dead-wrong, but also rather insulting."
On Fratricide: "There’s grittiness and then there’s absurdity, and Arslan can’t figure out the difference." On Happy Endings: "Happy Endings’ mix of nastiness and earnestness is like water and electricity… when you’re in the bathtub." On Hard Candy: "Hard Candy is one of those films you could see someone handing into their teacher as a genre assignment. Everything is "fine" about the film, if you consider "fine" to be hitting all the points of a job or assignment. Or if "fine" simply means passionless."
On Havoc: I quoted my friend Mike on this one: "About as sharp and edgy as an oval-shaped blanket full of kittens." On Lower City: "Merely a collection of reminders of better films." On Me and You and Everyone We Know: "Weaving a bunch of quirky moments (involving setting hands on fire, a cuuuuuuuute little boy wanting to shit in a woman’s ass, a goldfish in peril, and tag-team fellatio from a duo of sassy teen girls, among other things) into a sloppy motion picture, Ms. July created the “indie” groan of the year."
On Monster-in-Law: "Setting women back nearly fifty years with this one, Jane Fonda returns to the screen, opposite the sweet-as-pie, stripped-of-race Jennifer Lopez. It’d be one thing for this film to just be unfunny… but it’s a two-hour-long cat fight, turning women into caddy, selfish, backstabbing cunts." On Pretty Persuasion: "Siega has accomplished the feat of making his film the only thing more despicable than [teen edge queen Evan Rachel Wood's protagonist]." On The Puffy Chair: "Do I really want to choose to join in on the roadtrip when I hate the people I'm traveling with... and don't really care where we're going?"
On Sorry, Haters: "Allow me to introduce you to the 9/11 exploitation film." On Transamerica: "The tolerance that Tucker does expect from us is even more offensive than a sweet "trannies are people too." He expects us to continue with his annoyingly familiar film because of Felicity Huffman." On Walk the Line: "When Johnny Cash (Joaquin Phoenix) proposes marriage to the love of his life June Carter (Reese Witherspoon), he asks her to come up with a fresh answer. Strange, we as an audience were asking the same thing out of this film."
- The 40-Year-Old Virgin - d. Judd Apatow - USA- Amnesia: The James Brighton Enigma [Amnésie: L'énigme James Brighton] - d. Denis Langlois - Canada
- Antibodies [Antikörper] - d. Christian Alvart - Germany
- The Aristocrats - d. Paul Provenza - USA
- Backstage - d. Emmanuelle Bercot - France
- The Cabin Movie - d. Dylan Akio Smith - Canada
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - d. Tim Burton - USA/UK
- The Civilization of Maxwell Bright - d. David Beaird - USA
- Diary of a Mad Black Woman - d. Tyler Perry - USA
- Dirty Love - d. John Mallory Asher - USA
- Don't Tell [La bestia nel cuore] - d. Cristina Comencini - Italy/France/UK/Spain
- Eighteen - d. Richard Bell - Canada
- Evil [To kako] - d. Yorgos Noussias - Greece
- FAQs - d. Everett Lewis - USA
- Feed - d. Brett Leonard - Australia
- Fratricide [Brudermord] - d. Yilmaz Arslan - Germany/Luxembourg/France
- Happy Endings - d. Don Roos - USA
- Hard Candy - d. David Slade - USA
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - d. Garth Jennings - UK/USA
- Havoc - d. Barbara Kopple - USA/Germany
- King's Ransom - d. Jeff Byrd - USA
- Lemming - d. Dominik Moll - France
- The Longest Yard - d. Peter Segal - USA
- Lower City [Cidade Baixa] - d. Sérgio Machado - Brazil
- Madagascar - d. Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath - USA
- Manuale d'amore [Manual of Love] - d. Giovanni Veronesi - Italy
- Me and You and Everyone We Know - d. Miranda July - USA
- Monster-in-Law - d. Robert Luketic - USA/Germany
- The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green - d. George Bamber - USA
- Mr. & Mrs. Smith - d. Doug Liman - USA
- Nanny McPhee - d. Kirk Jones - UK/USA/France
- Pervert! - d. Jonathan Yudis - USA
- Pretty Persuasion - d. Marcos Siega - USA
- The Producers - d. Susan Stroman - USA
- The Puffy Chair - d. Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass - USA
- Queens [Reinas] - d. Manuel Gómez Pereira - Spain
- Remedy - d. Christian Maelen - USA
- Robots - d. Chris Wedge, Carlos Saldanha - USA
- Sorry, Haters - d. Jeff Stanzler - USA
- Stoned - d. Stephen Woolley - UK
- Transamerica - d. Duncan Tucker - USA
- Walk the Line - d. James Mangold - USA/Germany
- The Wedding Date - d. Clare Kilner - USA
- Where the Truth Lies - d. Atom Egoyan - Canada/UK
- Witches of the Caribbean - d. David DeCoteau - USA
- Zerophilia - d. Martin Curland - USA
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Blog Slowdown Commence (2008 Edition)
It's a holi-holiday, and we're in chillax mode for a little while, meaning some pre-arranged content of varying quality popping up sporadically while we watch movies, play Crysis and Boom Blox (both awesome), and get toasted thanks to the powerful rays of the sun. In the meantime, feel free to ponder these two statements; Wall*E = Idiocracy for kids?
Plus, Kung Fu Panda > Wall*E < Ratatouille. That said, that statement does not mean I think Wall*E < Cassandra's Dream or anything terrible like that. More that Wall*E < I had hoped, but still > most things. Here is a list of further Wall*E statements.
Wall*E > In Bruges Wall*E > Finding Nemo Wall*E = Oobleck Wall*E = Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street Wall*E > Iron Man > Indy 4 > Jumper > Hancock > Wanted > The Happening > Cassandra's Dream < Dog Poop Soufflé
Perhaps that makes things clearer. Or not. I'm all a-dither right now. It's not very often I come out of a movie of such artistry and such powerfully metaphorical or mythical resonance and have a (relatively) mild reaction, but that's how it is. For now, Kung Fu Panda remains number one in the hearts of two-thirds of Shades of Caruso. Let's see if The Dark Knight really is as good as everyone says (i.e. A PANACEA FOR THE MORTALLY WOUNDED WORLD SOUL, YOU WORTHLESS SCUM!!!).
Plus, Kung Fu Panda > Wall*E < Ratatouille. That said, that statement does not mean I think Wall*E < Cassandra's Dream or anything terrible like that. More that Wall*E < I had hoped, but still > most things. Here is a list of further Wall*E statements.
Perhaps that makes things clearer. Or not. I'm all a-dither right now. It's not very often I come out of a movie of such artistry and such powerfully metaphorical or mythical resonance and have a (relatively) mild reaction, but that's how it is. For now, Kung Fu Panda remains number one in the hearts of two-thirds of Shades of Caruso. Let's see if The Dark Knight really is as good as everyone says (i.e. A PANACEA FOR THE MORTALLY WOUNDED WORLD SOUL, YOU WORTHLESS SCUM!!!).
Friday, February 29, 2008
Yet Another Important Message From Will Graham
From the case-log of FBI Special Agent Will Graham:
This job, it never ceases to amaze me. As a psychological profiler for the FBI, I have to deal with some real wackos. This week I've been researching a case, a tough one, trying to get into the head of some guy who likes to wrap houses so tightly in tinsel that the brickwork bulges. I get into his mindset, see what made him into the sick son-of-a-bitch he is, and I realise he wasn't allowed to wrap his Christmas tree in tinsel when he was a kid. It was okay for him to hang ornaments and lights and angles and whatnot, but not tinsel. So now he's the West Coast Tinsel Terrorist, and five innocent victims had to claim insurance on their bulging houses. There's no such thing as a victimless crime.
While I've been dealing with all this crazy, I get to thinking about childhood, and what it means to be a kid in this day and age. The world's a scary place, believe me. I'm an expert on this. That's the thing, though. You need a little scary, like a vaccine against the world. You need to rub up against weird stuff when you're that small. It makes you a better person.
So what do I find out when I get home to my wife and kid? That the internet has been tearing itself apart over Where The Wild Things Are, a film adaptation of Maurice Sendak's book about monsters. I never read it. Too busy reading and re-reading Mark Felt's book about the FBI, which my young brain interpreted as being kinda hinky. I read it over and over and over, and for some reason I couldn't explain at the time, it struck me that this guy was someone who would not be able to keep a secret, would you, you son-of-a... Anyway, I never read the Sendak book. Maybe I should have.
Seems a lot of film lovers out there, people who understand art and think that this Spike Jonze guy is the real deal thanks to those amazing Charlie Kaufman adaptations, they're getting upset because you guys at Warner Brothers and Legendary Pictures are rumoured to be considering reshooting the move, because kids think it's kinda scary. Well, I say scare them. Reading all of those books on serial killers when I was a kid freaked me out, but look at me now. The FBI's top criminal profiler. I caught The Tooth Fairy! And Hannibal Lecter! What has your kid done today, faceless corporate art-hater, other than watch Spongebob and drool a lot while you stare at Bloomberg on another TV and count huge numbers in your head?
So, you get a little worried because you showed the movie to some people and they didn't like it. Fine. Be worried. You should be. Investing in movies is never a sure thing. It's a gamble. You're all gamblers. Anyone is who puts up money. The difference is that this time, yeah, you may win or lose, but there's a damn good chance you'll be creating something of lasting value anyway, something that might pay off big-time in the long run. Jonze and Eggers are no slouches. They've been doing pretty good for a while now. Have you seen Being John Malkovich? Have you read A Staggering Work of Heartbreaking Genius? And by "read" I don't mean "optioned because you saw it on the New York Times bestsellers list". We're talking some serious talent that is only now beginning to bloom. You're obviously used to taking a chance. Hell, you invested in a truly crappy script by Shyamalan even though other executives backed off, so why can't you just take a leap of faith and stick by a film made by a talented director with an acclaimed script that has already been shot and just needs some post-production work done on it?
But you're not going to do that, are you? Why take chances creating something different when you already have an idea in your head of what kid's movies are like. They're garish. They're not realistic. They're noisy. They're not contemplative. They talk down to kids. They don't treat them like perceptive beings. They have a lot of fart gags. They're not bothered with addressing what it's like to be a child. They have a soundtrack by Danny Elfman. They don't have a soundtrack by Carter Burwell and Karen O from The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
They star some loud formerly funny actor bellowing tacky jokes and winking at the camera every two minutes. They don't feature voicework by the brilliant Lauren Ambrose and James Gandolfini. They wreck a beloved book by adding ad-libs that "appeal" to adults that you think would be horrified by the thought of having to sit in a cinema with their kids watching something they might not understand. They don't adapt a book by honouring the themes and tone of that book, or risk alienating the adults by making something that will speak to the intended audience in a visual language they might find appealing, thus sticking in their minds and affecting their lives for the better.
But that's understandable. The last kid's movie that I remember treating children with respect was Babe 2: Pig in the City. It was released poorly by a studio scared of angering the audience that had turned up to see a carbon copy of that wonderful original only to find animal death and sadness and surrealism and bleak honesty. It failed at the box office. It cost a lot of people their jobs. Not what a studio that has been damaged by the writers strike wants to think about, especially during the absorption of Bob "Shady" Shaye's New Line.
Forget that movie, right? Except no one who saw it could, because it is a work of goddamn genius, you sons-of-bitches! It was like nothing made before, and it treated kids like smart, growing, curious, resilient human beings who love to be challenged way more than adults do, and its fanbase has grown over the years, enough so that a discussion about Richard Kelly's overrated Lynch-lite Donnie Darko will get derailed by excitement over the thought of this lost classic being reappraised by a classy hipster from the AV Club. But what chance does love of a work of genius have against the possibly of the third quarter of 2008 showing a drop in revenue that can be attributed to one of those gambles you are always making? I'll tell you, you son-of-a-bitch! No chance! That's right, isn't it, you son-of-a-bitch! No chance at all!!!!
Well, it doesn't matter in the long run. Even I know it's just a film, even though I'm pissed at you all. Hopefully this is worry for nothing. Perhaps the movie really is crap and it has nothing to do with your cowardice, and you're actually right for a change. Perhaps you do intend to release it properly, and all this worry is for nothing. But we're watching you. There are those of us have been alerted to your possible strategies, and we're aware you're capable of doing to Jonze what you did to Paul Schrader on that crappy Exorcist movie, and we're already getting mobilised, albeit slowly. So know this. You're on notice, executives.
[In background, voice heard telling Graham there is a package waiting for him.]
Oh wow! It arrived! The new Lost game from Ubisoft, Via Domus! I've been looking forward to this for months. Everything's going to be alright. Everything's going to be just fine.
::Cue "Heartbeat" by Red 7::
This job, it never ceases to amaze me. As a psychological profiler for the FBI, I have to deal with some real wackos. This week I've been researching a case, a tough one, trying to get into the head of some guy who likes to wrap houses so tightly in tinsel that the brickwork bulges. I get into his mindset, see what made him into the sick son-of-a-bitch he is, and I realise he wasn't allowed to wrap his Christmas tree in tinsel when he was a kid. It was okay for him to hang ornaments and lights and angles and whatnot, but not tinsel. So now he's the West Coast Tinsel Terrorist, and five innocent victims had to claim insurance on their bulging houses. There's no such thing as a victimless crime.
While I've been dealing with all this crazy, I get to thinking about childhood, and what it means to be a kid in this day and age. The world's a scary place, believe me. I'm an expert on this. That's the thing, though. You need a little scary, like a vaccine against the world. You need to rub up against weird stuff when you're that small. It makes you a better person.
So what do I find out when I get home to my wife and kid? That the internet has been tearing itself apart over Where The Wild Things Are, a film adaptation of Maurice Sendak's book about monsters. I never read it. Too busy reading and re-reading Mark Felt's book about the FBI, which my young brain interpreted as being kinda hinky. I read it over and over and over, and for some reason I couldn't explain at the time, it struck me that this guy was someone who would not be able to keep a secret, would you, you son-of-a... Anyway, I never read the Sendak book. Maybe I should have.
Seems a lot of film lovers out there, people who understand art and think that this Spike Jonze guy is the real deal thanks to those amazing Charlie Kaufman adaptations, they're getting upset because you guys at Warner Brothers and Legendary Pictures are rumoured to be considering reshooting the move, because kids think it's kinda scary. Well, I say scare them. Reading all of those books on serial killers when I was a kid freaked me out, but look at me now. The FBI's top criminal profiler. I caught The Tooth Fairy! And Hannibal Lecter! What has your kid done today, faceless corporate art-hater, other than watch Spongebob and drool a lot while you stare at Bloomberg on another TV and count huge numbers in your head?
So, you get a little worried because you showed the movie to some people and they didn't like it. Fine. Be worried. You should be. Investing in movies is never a sure thing. It's a gamble. You're all gamblers. Anyone is who puts up money. The difference is that this time, yeah, you may win or lose, but there's a damn good chance you'll be creating something of lasting value anyway, something that might pay off big-time in the long run. Jonze and Eggers are no slouches. They've been doing pretty good for a while now. Have you seen Being John Malkovich? Have you read A Staggering Work of Heartbreaking Genius? And by "read" I don't mean "optioned because you saw it on the New York Times bestsellers list". We're talking some serious talent that is only now beginning to bloom. You're obviously used to taking a chance. Hell, you invested in a truly crappy script by Shyamalan even though other executives backed off, so why can't you just take a leap of faith and stick by a film made by a talented director with an acclaimed script that has already been shot and just needs some post-production work done on it?But you're not going to do that, are you? Why take chances creating something different when you already have an idea in your head of what kid's movies are like. They're garish. They're not realistic. They're noisy. They're not contemplative. They talk down to kids. They don't treat them like perceptive beings. They have a lot of fart gags. They're not bothered with addressing what it's like to be a child. They have a soundtrack by Danny Elfman. They don't have a soundtrack by Carter Burwell and Karen O from The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
They star some loud formerly funny actor bellowing tacky jokes and winking at the camera every two minutes. They don't feature voicework by the brilliant Lauren Ambrose and James Gandolfini. They wreck a beloved book by adding ad-libs that "appeal" to adults that you think would be horrified by the thought of having to sit in a cinema with their kids watching something they might not understand. They don't adapt a book by honouring the themes and tone of that book, or risk alienating the adults by making something that will speak to the intended audience in a visual language they might find appealing, thus sticking in their minds and affecting their lives for the better.
But that's understandable. The last kid's movie that I remember treating children with respect was Babe 2: Pig in the City. It was released poorly by a studio scared of angering the audience that had turned up to see a carbon copy of that wonderful original only to find animal death and sadness and surrealism and bleak honesty. It failed at the box office. It cost a lot of people their jobs. Not what a studio that has been damaged by the writers strike wants to think about, especially during the absorption of Bob "Shady" Shaye's New Line.
Forget that movie, right? Except no one who saw it could, because it is a work of goddamn genius, you sons-of-bitches! It was like nothing made before, and it treated kids like smart, growing, curious, resilient human beings who love to be challenged way more than adults do, and its fanbase has grown over the years, enough so that a discussion about Richard Kelly's overrated Lynch-lite Donnie Darko will get derailed by excitement over the thought of this lost classic being reappraised by a classy hipster from the AV Club. But what chance does love of a work of genius have against the possibly of the third quarter of 2008 showing a drop in revenue that can be attributed to one of those gambles you are always making? I'll tell you, you son-of-a-bitch! No chance! That's right, isn't it, you son-of-a-bitch! No chance at all!!!!
Well, it doesn't matter in the long run. Even I know it's just a film, even though I'm pissed at you all. Hopefully this is worry for nothing. Perhaps the movie really is crap and it has nothing to do with your cowardice, and you're actually right for a change. Perhaps you do intend to release it properly, and all this worry is for nothing. But we're watching you. There are those of us have been alerted to your possible strategies, and we're aware you're capable of doing to Jonze what you did to Paul Schrader on that crappy Exorcist movie, and we're already getting mobilised, albeit slowly. So know this. You're on notice, executives.
[In background, voice heard telling Graham there is a package waiting for him.]
Oh wow! It arrived! The new Lost game from Ubisoft, Via Domus! I've been looking forward to this for months. Everything's going to be alright. Everything's going to be just fine.
::Cue "Heartbeat" by Red 7::
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