Le joli mai

Yeah, yeah... I know I've pulled the post-a-photo-of-Grace-Jones-as-Mayday-on-May-1st business before, but when you've found something that works, stick with it (as my father always said). Now that the weather has improved, my mental well-being has ventured out of the red, and I'll be returning full-ish time to the blog. What you can expect from me this month: reviews of Kentucker Audley's two latest films, Holy Land and Open Five, which both premiered last month; the early stages of a new regular feature on the blog; more DVD updates (Mulholland Drive is supposedly making its way to Blu-ray this fall by the way); a rather messy criticism of Up in the Air, which started as an unsuccessful side-by-side-by-side comparison of that piece of shit, another overpraised turkey (An Education) and Andrea Arnold's magnificent Fish Tank (portions of the latter films still show up, but it really didn't work as a whole); likely some links to writings about the films screening at Cannes (as I won't be in attendance); the Cannes poster update (which is looking grim so far, but it usually isn't until halfway through the festival that the posters start showing their faces); many unnecessary references to Liz Lemon; an appreciation post for Téa Leoni; some press for a good friend's NYC show coming up; a belated 2009 music post; some of this; and hopefully plenty of other (quasi-)exciting things. Getting back into "the swing of things" is more difficult than I had imagined, but the (non-breeding-related) post-partum depression is slowly vanishing...

The Decade List: Shadowboxer (2005)

Shadowboxer - dir. Lee Daniels

[Edited from an earlier post; I made unnecessary paragraph breaks to accommodate more screencaps from this beauty. Also, if anyone would be interested in, maybe, a live-blog of this film, holler my way!]

Shadowboxer is the sort of complete disaster that certainly doesn't come around very often. Even when they do, they seldom come in a way that could fool the most passive viewer into looking past the utter absurdity of the entire production. Shadowboxer doesn't ever crack that smile you're waiting for, and this is to its credit... or, more accurately, to our enjoyment (though Bradford did remind me that Vanessa Ferlito is watching Valley of the Dolls in all its camp glory when Helen Mirren walks into her room... it's even the scene where Susan Hayward sings "I'll Plant My Own Tree"). That his latest film, Precious, has been getting so many raves (even with Mo'Nique, Mariah Carey, Lenny Kravitz and Sherri Shepherd in the cast) this year makes me wonder if Shadowboxer was just a ruse.

The always-wonderful (even here) Mirren plays Rose, a cold assassin dying of cancer on her final mission with partner/lover Mikey (Cuba Gooding Jr., and yes, you read that correctly). Things don't work out as planned when Rose reclaims the compassion that's been missing in her life as she decides to deliver her hit's baby, instead of killing her. Yes, Mirren and her gun manage to scare the water right out of the pregnant Vickie (Ferlito, who probably kicked herself after thinking this would be her breakout role), and like a pro, Mirren gets that baby right out. Rose, Mikey, Vickie and the baby go into seclusion, forming a strange family alliance away from Vickie's crazy husband (Stephen Dorff), the one that hired the hit on her. Explaining what happens plot-wise in Shadowboxer is not where you find the magic; the unintentional marvel of Shadowboxer presents itself in the revoltingly gaudy and hysterically absurd ornaments that string the film together.

The most noticeable head-scratcher of Shadowboxer is its casting. One can only assume that Lee Daniels called in a few favors and threw those favors together any way he could. In addition to the coupling of Mirren and Gooding, he also pairs Joseph Gordon-Levitt with Mo'Nique. Somehow he also asks us to suspend disbelief in accepting Gordon-Levitt as a doctor and Mo'Nique as the crack-head nurse who put him through medical school. Dorff is expectedly awful as a hot head, but the real gem of this casting is Macy Gray as Vickie's sassy, alcoholic best friend Neisha. Gray, a one-hit wonder with a gravel voice, fully assumes her role in a way that makes you think she stumbled drunk onto the set, threw herself into the film, and miraculously ended up in the final cut. But you would be oh-so-wrong in that assumption, as Daniels blindly thinks that her character is actually essential to the film. She’s absolutely not, and that’s why she works so well here.

One can’t help but wonder if Daniels actually read the screenplay by first-time writer William Lipz, let alone questioned anything that happens within the pages. Who the fuck is Stephen Dorff’s character supposed to be? It’s never explained, nor is it explained why he shoves a broken pool stick up a guy’s ass, wants to kill his wife, or decides to go full-frontal in one of the most gratuitous nude scenes I’ve seen in a while. Why is Mo’Nique a crackhead, and why would someone cast a woman of her size as one? Unless, I suppose, she recently picked up the habit.

I can appreciate films that have no raison d'être, but films that naïvely assume they're important (coughCrashcough) really churn my stomach. Thankfully, Shadowboxer is so blissfully unnecessary, unimportant, misguided, and incoherent that I have no shame in saying it was one of the more pleasurable film experiences I’d had in a while. A friend of mine and I decided the most telling example of Shadowboxer’s perplexing appeal is a scene in which Cuba Gooding Jr. offers to buy Macy Gray a drink. She insists upon five drinks and turns to the only other person in the bar (extras are expensive) who happens to be the most toe-up nasty tranny Daniels could find and asks if she wants a drink as well. I could do my best Macy Gray impersonation, but that wouldn’t get the full effect.

And I don't even have the time to mention Cuba in drag or the zebra. One can’t help but admire Helen Mirren for emerging from this abysmal failure unscathed as she did in Teaching Mrs. Tingle. Donned in Vivienne Westwood, she still manages to be just as wonderful here as she’s ever been. Don’t let Mirren (or the lushly uneven cinematography, or straight-faced tone) fool you, Shadowboxer is a train wreck all its own, so astoundingly wrong in every way that we may have to ask Nomi Malone to pass on her crown.

With: Helen Mirren, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Vanessa Ferlito, Stephen Dorff, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mo'Nique, Macy Gray
Screenplay: William Lipz
Cinematography: M. David Mullen
Music: Mario Grigorov
Country of Origin: USA
US Distributor: Code Black Entertainment

Premiere: 9 September 2005 (Toronto International Film Festival)
US Premiere: 21 July 2006

My 10 Favorite Cinematic Madwomen

I don't know how this blog passer-on'ers work, but I've been noticing a handful of the blogs I read picking out their 10 favorite film characters, and a whore for lists, I'm going to post mine anyway (though I think you're supposed to be tagged). But instead of my 10 favorite film characters, of which I could never begin to narrow down, I've chosen my 10 Favorite Cinematic Madwomen. That sounds a lot more fun than the other idea. And, yes, some of these ladies suffer from a higher form of neurosis than others, but they'll always have a soft spot in my black heart. Note: I should mention that these are not ranked.

1. Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkley) - Showgirls

"I used to love Doggy Chow too!" Beware of her flailing arms and legs. She's a kicker and, as seen in her pool "love making" with Kyle Maclachlan, a flopper too, and she storms out of rooms like no other.. Hailing from "different places," Nomi lights the Vegas scene on fire; I don't think the town has ever been the same since.

2. Dawn Davenport (Divine) - Female Trouble

"I've done everything a mother can do: I've locked her in her room, I've beat her with the car aerial. Nothing changes her. It's hard being a loving mother." The parents of Dawn Davenport, shit-kicker/supermodel/burglar/high school drop-out/"loving mother," were right: nice girls don't wear cha cha heels. And her best friend Concetta (Cookie Mueller) was also right: we're just jealous 'cos they're so pretty.

3. Ramona Lutz (Amanda Plummer) - Freeway

"I bet you like havin' your wierner sucked." It's hard to choose from Freeway's cornucopia of eccentric characters, all of which make Reese Witherspoon's Vanessa Lutz look normal by comparison, but I've always had a fondness for her hooker/methhead mother. Ramona's just under a lot of stress; her sister died three months ago and she's tryin' to get off Methadone. A special mention for Vanessa's lesbian cell mate Rhonda (Brittany Murphy) and the queen of the prison Mesquita (Alanna Ubach). John Waters approves.

4. Minnie Castevet (Ruth Gordon) - Rosemary's Baby

Politely refuse if Minnie offers you something she refers to as, "snips and snails and puppy dog's tails." That's the best advice I can offer.

5. Ashley St. Ives (Edy Williams) - Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

"You're a groovy boy, I'd like to strap you on some time." I unofficially decided to choose only one character per director, and it was awfully hard to pick between fab porn actress Ashley St. Ives and Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!'s Varla (Tura Satana). In case you didn't know, there's nothing like a Rolls, and she'll be happy to show you (around the 9 minute mark).

6. Ruth Stoops (Laura Dern) - Citizen Ruth

"Suck the shit out of my ass, you fucker." When Ruth finds out she's pregnant (again), that doesn't stop her from hittin' the hardware store for some grade-A huffin' material. I'm still searching for the best opportunity to tell someone what she tells the guy who impregnanted her.

7. Margaret White (Piper Laurie) - Carrie

Margaret was right in telling her daughter Carrie (Sissy Spacek) that they all were going to laugh at her.

8. Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) - Mommie Dearest

Don't fuck with her, fellas. There's that famous scene, but I always loved it when her daughter Christina (Diana Scarwid) tells the frantic Joan that she isn't "one of her fans."

9. Anna (Isabelle Adjani) - Possession

Whether placing the meat carver up to her neck or making "love" to a demon, Anna commands the screen, much more so than her limp husband played by Sam Neill. Arguably one of the greatest moments in cinema history (and film acting) occurs when she exits the subway car and goes into a frenzy in the terminal.

10. Neisha (Macy Gray) - Shadowboxer

She'll take five drinks and something strong, bartender. Just when you thought asking Denzel Washington to see the warrant would be Macy's only explosion on the film screen (aside from playing herself in Spider-Man), she tops that with every one of her (two, maybe three) scenes in Shadowboxer. The best is when we finally get to see the "Ladies' Night" she was telling Vanessa Ferlito about, where the only other bar patron is a frightening drag queen she gets Cuba Gooding Jr. to buy a drink for. If only I had the skills to rip that scene from my DVD onto YouTube. Read more here.

I strayed away from the more sympathetic of the crazies, like Ashley Judd's Agnes in Bug, Faye's Evelyn Mulwray in Chinatown, Bibi Andersson's Alma from Persona and Margit Carstensen's Petra von Kant from The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant. And I couldn't justify calling Kelly (Constance Towers) in The Naked Kiss "crazy."