Friendship Quotes: Famous & Historic

"Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache: do be my enemy for friendship's sake."
- William Blake, sent in by Lauren

"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art."
- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.

"Have no friends not equal to yourself."
- Confucious (551 - 497 BC) Chinese philosopher.

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."
- Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.

"A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) US poet & essayist.

"Keep your friendships in repair."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (as above)

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair."
- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) British lexiographer.

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."
- Samuel Johnston, (as above)

"It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them."
- Duc de la Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) French writer.

"If it is abuse - why one is always sure to here of it from one damned good-natured friend or other!"
- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751 - 1816) British dramatist.

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company."
- George Washington (1732 - 1799) US Statesman.

"True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."
- George Washington, (as above)

"I can never think of promoting my convenience at the expense of a friend's interest and inclination."
- George Washington, (as above)

"Should auld aquaintance be forgot, And never brought to min'?"
- Robert Burns (1759 - 1796) Scottish poet.

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
- Epicurus (341 - 270 BC) Greek philosopher.

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
- Epicurus (as above)

"These are called the pious frauds of friendship."
- Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754) British novelist.

"Always, Sir, set a high value on spontaneous kindness. he whose inclination prompts him to cultivate your friendship of his own accord, will love you more than one whom you have been at pains to attach to you."
- Samuel Johnston (1709 - 1784) British lexicographer.

"Sir, I look upon every day to be lost, in which I do not make a new acquantaince."
- Samuel Johnston, (as above)

"To like and dislike the same things, that is indeed true friendship."
- Sallust (86 - 334 BC) Roman historian

"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."
- Euripides, Greek playwrite

"My friends are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson

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Funny Quotes

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
-- Demetri Martin

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-- Bill Cosby

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
-- Dave Allen

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.
-- Dave Allen

I backed a horse today at 20:1. It came in at twenty past four.
-- Tommy Cooper

I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
-- Les Dawson

She can hardly get through an open door without explicit directions.
-- William Lee Scott (on Claudia Schiffer)

Make crime pay - become a lawyer.
-- Will Rogers

A secretary ran into the bosses office and said "Can I use your dictaphone?" He says, "no, use your finger like everybody else"
-- Bernard Manning

Ken dodd of all the comedians - tight. We went to a stripshow and he wanted half of his money back because one of the strippers only had one t*t.
-- Bernard Manning

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.
-- Bernard Manning

How could Bernard Manning be a racist when he had four black horses pulling his coffin?
-- Frank Carson

I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.
-- Bernard Manning

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy!
-- Tommy Cooper

26 June

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
-- Benny Hill

Once it was impossible to find any Bond villains older than myself, I retired.
-- Roger Moore


Ah, stardom! They put your name on a star in the sidewalk on Hollywood Boulevard and you walk down and find a pile of dog manure on it. That tells the whole story, baby.
-- Lee Marvin

Just the other day I sent the girlfriend a huge pile of snow...I rang her up and said: "Did you get my drift?"
-- Peter Kay

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-- Frank Sinatra


Forget health clinics and gyms. Sex is the best cure. One good night of sex and your problems are gone.
-- Grace Jones


This 3-year-old kid is home alone, and a salesman comes to the door. The kid answers, and he’s got a porno in one hand, a cigar in one hand and a bottle of J.D. The salesman goes, “Hi, little boy, are your parents home?” The kid goes, “What the f**k do you think?”
-- Avril Lavigne

I haven't had any experience with UFO's, but paranormal life seems to be all around me...I grew up on the lower east side of New York.
-- David Duchovny

It's simple. PG means the hero gets the girl. 15 means that the villain gets the girl and 18 means everybody gets the girl.
-- Michael Douglas

I've got a phone, answer machine, TV set, computer, hand grenade - everything you need to run a business in Los Angeles.
-- Ice T

[talking about English footballer]
Congratulations to Wayne Rooney. He scored three times on Tuesday. He hasn't done that since he crashed a pensioners' bingo night.
-- Jonathan Ross

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-- Margaret Thatcher

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
-- Dolly Parton

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?
-- Billy Connoly

Motivational quotes have an amazing ability to motivate and inspire people into action

• Encouragement isa a necessary part of supervision.
• Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.
• If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
• Nothing average ever stood as a monument to progress. When progress is looking for a partner it doesn't turn to those who believe they are only average. It turns instead to those who are forever searching and striving to become the best they possibly can. If we seek the average level we cannot hope to achieve a high level of success. Our only hope is to avoid being a failure.
• Excellence and size are fundamentally incompatible.
• Even to a wicked man a divinity gives wealth, Cyrnus, but to few men comes the gift of excellence.
• Next to excellence is the appreciation of it.
• You must motivate yourself EVERYDAY!
• In every one of us there are two ruling and directing principles, whose guidance we follow wherever they may lead; the one being an innate desire of pleasure; the other, an acquired judgment which aspires after excellence.
• It is hard to be truly excellent, four-square in hand and foot and mind, formed without blemish.
• Each excellent thing, once learned, serves for a measure of all other knowledge.
• But when we get enough people who don't care, and who don't accept personal responsibility for high ethical standards, our organization gets the "M" disease. Mediocrity. Anybody in the place can be a carrier. By the same token, every individual can carry the cure: the ethics of excellence.
• We need timeless principles to steer by in running our organizations and building our personal careers. We need high standards . . . the ethics of excellence.
• Excellence calls for character . . . integrity . . . fairness . . . honesty . . . a determination to do what's right. High ethical standards, across the board.
• Notice that "I" is at the center of the word "ethical." There is no "they." Achieving the ethics of excellence is our individual assignment.
• Excellent firms don't believe in excellence — only in constant improvement and constant change.
• The spirited horse, which will try to win the race of its own accord, will run ever faster if encouraged.
• Am I motivated by what I really want out of life — or am I mass-motivated?
• There is no excellence anywhere without labor. We would think a man foolish indeed who would say, "l am willing that my business should prosper, or that my farm should yield plentifully, but I'll not stir a peg." But he is no more foolish than the man who says, "I am willing that God should bless me abundantly, but I shall not do anything toward that end myself." We must consistently rely upon the help of the Lord, but we will not make any progress or meet with any success unless we put forth an earnest effort.
• Persistence is the twin sister of excellence. One is a matter of quality; the other, a matter of time.
• What ere thou art, act well thy part.

Araki's Nowhere on IFC On Demand

For those of you in the US, Gregg Araki's Nowhere, the conclusion to his Teen Apocalypse Trilogy which is still MIA on DVD, in airing for free on IFC's OnDemand channel. I don't know which cable providers offer this (I know mine does not offer their Festival Direct Program), but I thought it'd be of particular interest in that it's the first time I've ever gotten a chance to see the film in its original aspect ratio (strangely, The Doom Generation is still only available stateside in a sacreligious pan and scan transfer). Nowhere will be available until 27 May for those who are interested.

Cannes 09 in Posters

Party Girls

Thanks Eric. Nicholas Ray's Party Girl, not to be confused with the Parker Posey vehicle from the mid-'90s (Hello, Chanel!), is now part of the Warner Archive series, which is a bit of great/disappointing news. Great as in it's finally available; disappointing as in 'doesn't Nicholas Ray deserve better than this?' Considering two of his most famous films, Johnny Guitar and Bigger Than Life, are still MIA on DVD in the US, I suppose something is better than nothing. Maybe.

On an unrelated subject, I ran across an article by Jonah Weiner on 30 Rock and its (?) conservative leanings (thanks, Lex). It's a fantastic read, but I think Weiner overlooks the fact that Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) and her (wo)manchild-ness and walking-on-thin-ice liberal-ness are treated in the same vain as Jack Donaghy and his artless corporate-ness are. I did, however, forget how funny it was when Carrie Fisher referred to her neighborhood as "Little Chechnya."

Another Day, Another TV Channel Boycott...

As Canyon recently mentioned on her Facebook page (yes, we have both succumbed to Facebook's inexorable pull. I even have a Twitter page devoted to what I'm eating and what's on TV), we have been greatly angered and saddened by FX's decision not to renew its contract with Comedy Central, meaning the UK has become Colbert-free once more. A very small but piercingly intelligent cross-section of a nation mourns.


We have been dreading this since The Colbert Report debuted a year ago, a dread that intensified after FX (short for FuXX0rz) pushed the show back from 11pm to midnight (we even predicted it here). If a schedule is being tinkered with, something is going wrong. Was it low ratings that sank the show in the UK? Even the lovely folks at Late Show UK have not had any official confirmation from the channel as to why this has happened. That said, we are talking about a channel owned by News Corp, and they're not big on listening to the little guy, preferring instead to take on the role of Heartless Corporate Monolith with such complete dedication that it's almost parodic. I honestly believe they run on the tears of rage shed by the people they crush underfoot like so much blood-filled gravel.


So yeah, we're fucking pissed off. And we're not the only ones. An overwhelming two people are so annoyed at FX that they contributed to this forum. I smell the beginning of a grassroots campaign to change FX's mind. Considering how News Corp got excited about the Tea Bagging parties recently conducted across America (shouldn't that protest have been called Balls Across America's Forehead?), perhaps we should send teabags to FX. Used teabags. That I've rubbed on my forehead.

Or we should just stop watching the stupid channel. I mean, they don't even air the best shows US FX makes; The Shield is aired on Five and Five US, and Sons Of Anarchy is going to Bravo instead. Funny how the US FX business model is to make shows to sell around the world, and UK FX's model is to buy other shows cheap and then dump them when they don't fit their macho line-up. Though it's nice that they're showing Generation Kill, I'd rather see it all in one gulp on DVD. What else does FX have that's worth watching? More Dexter? I'm dutifully plodding through The Most Overrated Show On TV™, but I can just get that some other way. I have no interest in The Listener, or the various Canadian or Australian police procedurals that keep cropping up, and I've got The Wire on DVD so I don't need to watch that any more. Neither does anyone else, now that it's being shown on BBC Four. The only other things they have to offer are Family Guy and American Dad, but seeing as how they are to comedy as Stephenie Meyer is to literature, that's not exactly enticing.


So, we shall find another way to watch our beloved Stephen skewer the right-wing mindset so completely that conservatives don't even realise it's happening, and in the meantime, I'll avoid FX and stick to watching Bravo (so much A-Team!), Sci Fi (Star Trek: TOS is getting a lot of rotation in anticipation of the new movie), Current TV (I can't see enough documentaries made by well-off American post-teens during their most recent backpacking vacation through South America), and Controversial TV (it should be known as Edge Media TV but our EPG has renamed it so that it sounds like it was created by 1980's-Ben-Elton). Fuck FX, fuck Fox, fuck News Corp.